But even as you grow closer, there will still be things that neither of you ever get quite right in the others eyes. However, that is often easier said than done. It leads to feelings of humiliation, sounding like jokes that reveal or attack your vulnerabilities or private or accusations that make you think you're doing something wrong. Nitpicking can show itself in a number of ways and for a number of reasons. If what they do that causes you so much angst is something you cant live with, then this might not be the best relationship for you, and no amount of nitpicking will make it better. The National Domestic Violence Hotlineis available at1-800-799-SAFE (7233). ", Spending time with someone else who might jeopardize your relationship (such as by cheating), Hiding behind your work and becoming overly invested so there's less time for the relationship. Rather than immediately pick on the negatives, teach yourself to focus on the positives in everything theyve done first. Working . The truth is they might not know the effect of their actions. They would seem happy at first, but one of the partners suddenly starts finding faults with the other for no apparent reason. Using all your mental and emotional energy outside of the relationship by consistently putting other things (like your hobbies) or people (such as friends or family members) in front of your partner. Its not a way of giving into them, its a way of stopping the situation from escalating into an argument. You most likely wont have the same habits and might not even have the same expectations about your roles in a relationship. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Sentences. There's a good chance the nitpicking is just a poor attempt to get some other important need met. If you wouldnt embarrass a stranger on the road, you shouldnt do that to your partner because you know them. For example, if the parents constantly communicate with each other in the language of vexations, a child's subconscious mind perceives all these examples of nitpicking as a behavioral norm and in the future, helpfully palms off nitpicking for psychological attacks on other people. Developing Acceptance Skills in a Relationship, https://hbr.org/2021/02/a-simple-compliment-can-make-a-big-difference, https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322722211_The_Power_of_Listening_Lending_an_Ear_to_the_Partner_During_Dyadic_Coping_Conversations, Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. "Sure, we all have some things we could be doing better, but a person will critique their partner as a way to damage the relationship and drive a wedge between the two of you," Davin says. Let them know concisely what their words do to you. Over time, if one partner is always being criticized by the other, theyre going to lose their confidence to be able to do anything right. After all, you are supposed to love and care for each other. It is the stage where you get to know your partner and impress them with everything you have, including your awesome behavior and attitude. As you get acquainted with each other, issues and certain attitudes start jumping out. Think about the damage your nitpicking is causing and if its worth the strain its putting on your partner and your relationship. For example, if they repeatedly ask you a question, understand that they have more to say. Again, "controlling behavior is usually present in a toxic relationship.". When you find that you're often put on the defensive for things outside your control and made to feel guilty for their choices and outcomes, watch out.
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examples of nitpicking in a relationship